![]() Rivers, she says, are where crocodiles live (we live in south-east London). We don’t go to the beach because she’s allergic to sand. When I’ve asked why, she’s come up with rubbish excuse after even more rubbish excuse. Not as a baby, not as a toddler, not when I was at nursery or when I was in Key Stage One. ![]() I am fit and healthy and totally normal in every way (apart from my name) but I have never set foot in the sea, a river or a lake, not to mention an actual, normal, everyday swimming pool. I am nine years old! I am the third-best footballer in Year 4 (joint) and the second-best at roller-skating after Elizabeth Fisher and she goes to a club on Sundays. You won’t believe I’ve never been swimming because I mean totally never. ![]() ![]() It’s the swimming bit you won’t believe, by the way, though if you don’t believe my name either, it really is Cymbeline Igloo, and you have to believe that because it’s written on my schoolbag and in my jumpers and on lots of other things, like my passport. I, Cymbeline Igloo, have never been swimming. ![]()
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